All About Love

 How do you know if you have ever been in love? Most people will argue that although falling in love with someone is invisible, there is absolutely no doubt in their minds that it exists. In fact, if you are questioning whether you are in love, then you are definitely not.

Although I have no doubt about the existence of love (although I am one of those sad people who have not experienced it), I am a bit confused about our view of the most sought-after experience in the humanities.

For me, falling in love with someone is a decision based on successfully matching one’s pre-determined criteria or preferences.

I affectionately call the initial stage of partner selection the "terminator glasses" stage because it filters the attributes of potential partners and matches them to our own unique preferences.

Just after New Year's Eve, I went to the bar to meet friends, where we will celebrate the evening. There, my friend and I were waiting at the door, and I saw him for the first time. I did a quick terminator scan:

Height: about 6 feet. competition.

Body: Not too thin, not too fat, not too buff. competition.

Hair: Short dark brown. No more than top Allah David Beckham. competition.

Skin tone: dark olive. competition.

Lips: plump. competition.

Smile: Oh my goodness. competition.

Eyes: Large, brown, expressive, with long and thick eyelashes. competition!

Position: Moderate, not arrogant. competition.

Nationality: Apparently a foreigner, possibly Brazilian. competition.

The Terminator glasses are still firmly on my face, and the confirmed Brazilian is allowed to enter the second part of the first stage: interaction. This is usually the deadliest part of any potential relationship, because every word you say, every look you give, and every action you give is filtered by Terminator glasses. Any mismatch can cause the relationship to die prematurely. It is rarely forgiven in this part, especially if one's plan is set to be a "long-term partner." Having said that, this is also my favorite part, because it is the most interesting. I think this is a game we all know we are playing, but refuse to admit that it exists. You can quit the game at any time without being affected (of course, when both parties are working under the same set of rules. If this is not the case, some unwanted phone numbers will be collected, and then some awkward conversations. And it depends on one How weak the person is-an unwanted date is followed by an unwanted kiss, which may end in unwanted sex!).

The second stage, the "rose-colored glasses" stage, is very dangerous, and usually no candidate will be treated with caution. According to the impact of the first stage, the bomb warning of the "end of relationship" may be thrown directly in front of people without being noticed. Everything has appeared, and it is always completely feasible. Although I am very cynical, this stage is obviously more exciting than the Terminator stage, despite the fear that it will end. The premature "I love you" may escape from the mouth and fall onto the roulette table like a ball. The stakes are high, but it can also pay off well and take you to the third stage. or not…

It is difficult to announce the title of the third stage. The truth is, I don't know what to call it, because I usually walk to the green exit sign above the fire escape before you say "marry me".

My experience in the third stage is that I usually realize that Mr. Perfect is a human being. I refuse to accept him as he is and try to point out his shortcomings (he is usually not very open to my constructive criticism. I want to know why?). This of course does not cause him to change his own way, but is firmly rooted in these ways (and resents me in the process). Love and commitment are replaced by fear and dependence. Some people insisted on fighting to the end, and most people went straight to the green exit light.

People claim that they are "lost in love" at this point. My argument is that they never fell in love from the beginning. One of my favorite movies, "Moulin Rouge", said with a beautiful melody: "The greatest thing you will learn is to love and be loved in return." I believe this is what we think of love is all about. However, being loved in return means that your contribution is conditional. So romantic love is conditional love. If there is only one way of romantic love, it is called unrequited love or even "despair."

What if I say that true love can only be unconditional? In this, true love can only mean 100% acceptance of the theme, just as they are, that is, the way they don't like it. What if love, true love, is just love?